– not a mommy-related post, but hopefully one that you can relate to.
I’ve been wanting to write a post on this subject for a very long time now, but never really seemed to have the courage to do so. A few days ago, I decided “screw it, because if we as moms can proudly share our views and experiences on other controversial topics through social media (like breastfeeding, for example… gasp!) what’s stopping us to share other very real aspects of being an adults placed/absorbed into parenthood?
It’s late, I’m suppose to be studying and yet my mind is wondering as one does when procrastinating. As I listen to the soft snores coming from the bedroom whilst hubby sleeps an intense work week away, I’m wide awake thinking of the past 11 years we’ve been together, almost seven years of being married and how much everything has changed. What was once the young, care-free and spontaneous (dare I say, quite a cool) couple has now become the responsible, tired and very much set-in-their-ways married couple. Not to anyone’s fault, really. I’ve found myself mad at the situation, craving for the times when we used to be all over one another. Instead our late nights have been replaced by laying silently in bed hoping the other will take the hint to fulfill the request for milk/juice/water or the last-minute potty training run to the bathroom.
The Mxit or SMS messages that once used to read quirky, flirtatious notes of devoted love which set your soul on fire now reads – “Babe, there’s no more toothpaste or baby wipes – won’t you get some? Also some Neurofen, please? Got my period. Am dying… can’t move from the couch. And get food for us as well, I don’t feel like cooking. xxx”
The fully planned and prepared for date nights of going out all dressed up for the occasion (and also for undressing occasions) has now been replaced by laying on the couch watching an episode or two of Hell’s Kitchen or The Blacklist in the most comfortable pj’s at your disposal.
Well aware of the fact that it is just the phase of our relationship that we are currently going through as parents of a preschooler and that “this too shall pass” it still remains a challenge in the arena of remaining one another’s friend and lover. I still love my hubby very much and just need to accept that our relationship has and will most likely again shift in change. The comparison game of weighing up the past and the present is what I struggle with.
Finding time and opportunities for some spicy rendezvous are far and few in between nappy changes and making sure food is on the table. Being a parent means that the days of getting it on anytime, anywhere and anyway doesn’t exist anymore – not even to mention only doing it when you’re in the mood. When the opportunity presents itself, you better take it. No questions asked! Or you start to run the risk of a month passing and you both feeling like each other’s roomies… that’s not fair on either of you. And for crying out loud, we’re in our very early 30s. The hormones and drives are still very much there, but all other factors don’t play in favour of exploring them as you always want it.
So what’s the secret to a happy parent sex life (I mean marriage 😉)?
Lower your expectations. Yes, it’s true. Instead of picturing 50 Shades of Grey, settle for a quickie in the bathroom whilst the kids are distracted (doors can also lock, you know). Change up the timing – why not become a morning person? It gives you plenty of time for headboard banging sexcapades and the chances of a little buzzkill walking in will be zero to none. Find small ways to entice one another and if reruns of Princess Sophia works in your favour, make use of the opportunity!
Ok, procrastination and over analyzing completed… off to bed I go for a good night’s rest (12:20am). If you liked this post or can relate to it somehow, please do comment below. (And let me know that I’m remotely normal in feeling the way that I do – haha!)