This past week I came across a blog post written by one of my favourite local blogger mama’s, Cass from leatherjacketfoxes.com titled “The lies we believe as women” upon which I found myself reading the post that touches on a matter that myself and a dear friend were discussing earlier in the week – comparison. (If you do have a moment, be sure to head over to Cass’ blog and sniff around.) In her post, she focuses on the ‘little lies’ that we as women tend to tell ourselves.
For example: ‘I’m not a good mother’, ‘I’m failing my husband as a wife and life partner’, ‘I’m not attractive enough. I wish I could look more like her’ or ‘I work so hard, and yet my best is just not good enough’.
In the modern world that we live in today, with social media keeping us connected 24/7 to what others around us showcase as the highlight reel of their lives, it’s become easier for us (women) to swing the wrecking ball called comparison against our self-esteems. We compare our lives, our appearance, our lifestyles, our possessions, our careers with those that we seem to have the need to be ‘connected’ with. On top of that wrecking ball I see a wicked little witch sitting and enjoying every moment as we break down our confidence, our ambition, our self-love and appreciation of what we’ve been blessed with in life. The outcomes of the comparison game in which we continuously find ourselves in leads us to believe the little lies that we tell ourselves (I used to call them my demons, quite dramatic I know, but Cass’ manner in calling them lies really changed my view on them) causing an unhealthy manner of dealing with our emotions, interaction with others around us and situations that we find ourselves in.
Upon the age of nearly 30 (yes, I’m turning THIRTY this year… eeeccckk!), I’ve realised over the past year or so that these little lies combined with the unfortunate personality trait of having other’s opinion influence my personal views on my own value caused many internal insecurities that kept me away from the potential that God has given me. In taking small steps like evaluating my feelings, the value of other’s opinions and rationalizing the emotional effects thereof I’ve learnt to adapt through (the only way that I can explain it) building a filter for these little lies. In return, it has spared me great heartache and given me the strength and ambition to realise the numerous blessings that I have received in my life, to work hard for my dreams by using my potential and skills, and to enjoy every moment that life throws my way. In Cass’ words: “We no longer become slaves to our lies or insecurities, instead we become free and empowered in who God has called us to be, despite our flaws.”
Don’t get me wrong, we’re only human and in being human we are flawed – we are not perfect. Thus, every now and again when I find myself tired, overloaded and weak in a situation where one of those horrible little lies knock on the door and say ‘hello’, I blindingly open that door without looking at who (or what’s) knocking and get slapped in the face with the aftermath of feeling insecure. It is in those instances where the love of those close to you step in to reassure you of your worth. I would not be the woman that I am today without those in my life that I hold so dearly and it is in those moments of weakness and insecurity that they are the ones that hold me upright, dust off the insecurities and push me in the right direction.
There are numerous ways on how we as women can guard ourselves against these little lies, and I urge you to do so as it is on us to teach ourselves the necessary skills of protecting our self-esteem so that we may carry them over to our daughters (and sons) for them to effectively know how to deal with the challenges of self-esteem. They are growing up in a world of information overload that can cause emotional overload at the snap of your fingers.
Now… take a look back at the examples of little lies that I gave in this post and understand that the golden thread through each and every one of those little lies boils down to telling yourself ‘I’m not good enough’. Today, I’d like to say that the statement of ‘I’m not good enough’ cannot be further from the truth! Look in the mirror, breath and know that you are good enough! Tell yourself that each and every morning. Go the extra mile… put on a daring lip colour and take on life knowing that you are worthy of all your desires, your blessings and if you ever feel weary and weak from your insecurities I dare you to just look at the expression of your child(ren) when you look at them and you’ll see the love and appreciation there solidifying the fact that YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH!
Ps. If it makes any difference at all, know that the examples of little lies given in this post are the insecurities that I’ve dealt with for as long as I can remember. I’m by no means sharing this insight with you to obtain any affirmation but am being open and transparent with you.
Lots of love, Chantelle